Wang Leehom officially announced her divorce: after eight years of marriage, she finally lost here.

12 15, Wang Leehom announced that he and Li Lianglei had filed for divorce. The eight-year marriage has come to an end, and countless netizens can't help but sigh.

Looking back on the past, they said in an interview with the media that they were very nervous when they decided to open their relationship. Wang Leehom also found his wife's name "Li Lianglei" with a search engine. There was no such person on the search website at that time; Today, Li Lianglei is Wang Leehom's ex-wife.

This girl who graduated from Columbia University married Wang Leehom for eight years and gave birth to two daughters and a son in five years. Finally, after giving birth to a son on 20 18, he announced that he would seal his belly and never give birth again. This move inevitably makes the busybodies think more-is it because they have already given birth to three? Or because you gave birth to a son?

Some netizens said-

"Wang Leehom and Li Lianglei are going to divorce after giving birth to three children. The only person in this world who can trust them is themselves. Marriage is not the salvation of life, and there is no complete dependence. "

So today, let's talk about what is the greatest sense of security in marriage?

In ancient times, Confucianism linked the fertility of male offspring with human virtue-"there are three unfilial things, and no posterity is great"; Philosophy also emphasizes fertility, which is considered as the greatest moral behavior in nature-"the virtue of heaven and earth is life".

In the long history of China, reproduction has become the most important function of marriage. Coupled with China's traditional thought, bearing male offspring has almost become the only purpose of marriage.

In fact, it is not clear that having a boy can really continue the so-called "incense". However, because of the long-term "son preference", the ratio of male to female is out of balance, and the phenomenon that the proportion of postpartum depression of mothers is rising is vivid. Some people say that children are the crystallization of love. What about the end of marriage? Probably a child, too.

The first hurdle of divorce after marriage is the stage from the birth of the child to the age of 3. At this time, the children's work and rest were irregular, and they often protested by crying. After giving birth to the child, the mother's health declined. Coupled with the hard work of raising children, the quality of sleep declines, and family disputes are often caused by depression.

So, is the child still the crystallization of love? This is debatable.

As a highly educated mother, becoming a full-time mother is a personal choice and a shortcut for individuals to stop self-development.

Being a stay-at-home mother won't make people feel any sense of accomplishment, because one second ago, you finally put your child to sleep, maybe he turned over and woke up; The house you just cleaned up one second ago is returned to its original shape by the "devil incarnate" the next; You are conscientious in raising children, but you can always find out a wrong detail and be labeled as "not loving children" for no reason.

When a mother is happy, the premise of this sentence is that you and your family are ready. Because I am a marriage counselor, I often meet mothers complaining to me-"Why did he do this to me after I gave birth to so many children?"

At this time, I will ask her: "Are you really ready for a new life? After discovering that you have children, have you ever communicated the division of labor as a parent in the future? "

Many mothers give me feedback-I know it's not easy to be a mother, but doesn't that mean all women have to go through this? After having children, many mothers choose to quit their jobs and stay at home to have children. After birth, they become full-time mothers by default. Because they think that the family needs her.

What I want to tell these mothers is that they have got the "old script" of life. We often talk about "equality between men and women" and strongly reject "widowed parenting", so this matter should be discussed in advance: the child is not a mother, not a grandmother, and the father should participate in parenting no matter how busy he is. If not, it means that the wife is the only one who has changed in this marriage.

You know, in marriage, when two people's ideological changes are inconsistent, it will lead to marital imbalance.

Therefore, in order to make your marriage feel safe, the first thing is to regain the sense of respect in marriage.

I once met a mother who had a successful career. Even after she got married and gave birth to her first child, she still had income after taking care of the baby. She tried her best to assume the role of family, be a good mother, a good wife and be obedient to her husband. I even feel a little sorry for my husband-the first child is a woman.

So before her husband asked for a second child, she volunteered and began to work hard on the spare tire. I also vowed in front of my husband that the second one must be my son. My husband has no other ideas, so I can't help but expect to hear her assurances. Unfortunately, the second one is also a girl. Mother felt very sad, and her mood was once low when she was confined. Seeing this, the husband wanted to comfort her and said something like this: "Nothing, we will have another one when you are ready."

This sentence not only did not calm the mother's mood, but aroused her resentment against her husband. She began to subconsciously think that her husband didn't like his two daughters, but he liked his son.

From this story, we find that mother's sense of respect was lost by herself. Whether to have children or raise children, it is the decision of husband and wife. Even after giving birth to a child, the husband needs to be the source of income in the family, and he must also take part in childcare. Because a child is never a person's mother, no one can be a qualified mother at birth. The husband's constant alienation from this job will only make it more difficult for him to enter the role of father.

Therefore, the sense of respect in marriage means-I am fortunate to be your wife and the mother of my children in the future. But before that, I must be a complete self first. We can enter the role of life together. If you fall behind temporarily, please catch up quickly.

Secondly, the second factor that makes your marriage feel safe is the United front.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a difficult problem that affects the happiness of thousands of families. In the marriage between Wang Leehom and Li Lianglei, it is revealed that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is long-term.

I think the root cause of discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lies in her husband's inaction.

As a bond between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, husband plays the role of atmosphere lubricant. But many husbands, in the face of disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, will unconsciously stand on the side of their mother-in-law. The reason is that she is my mother. What about the wife? She also has her own mother. She abandoned her family and joined a strange environment. Why do you have to be scolded because your mother-in-law doesn't like you?

She is willing to give up everything and join this strange environment. The most important reason is that she fell in love with her son in this family. But her beloved husband told her-I can't stand on your side because my mother is old and can't stand the injustice.

"Leaning on the old and selling the old" is a derogatory term in any environment. And because of her son's support, her mother-in-law will think that her daughter-in-law is a soft persimmon and can be bullied. Pushing your luck is often due to your son's acquiescence.

If he loves you, no matter who the other person is, he will support you. Because he knows you will be the rest of his life.

If you feel lonely in this family, it means that he puts you in a very low position in his heart, so you have reason to abandon him. Telling him what you don't love is also an excellent opportunity for marriage to sublimate.

Compromise and concession will not make you happy. Only by confronting and confessing can you regain control of your happiness.

May you become a woman with "fragrance" and "edge" and not become a "tool" in any transaction.