Once, I loved you.

My roommate Xing Xing has always been interested in a boy I used to like. It's a feeling I've never dared to face. Because of it, once, I became distrustful of people and love, leaving a shadow, which led to the unsatisfactory feelings later. This time, I want to tell this story well, because it is over. ...

I don't know if it's precocity or curiosity. I had my first boyfriend in the first grade. At that time, H20 (the person I want to talk about, just call him H20, which I call him in my diary) and I didn't know each other very well, until the second grade when we switched places.

H20 is our math class representative and our labor committee member. His academic performance has always been the top five in his class. He is good at solving problems, cold and arrogant, and he is very shrewd, but he is very popular with everyone, especially girls. I'm a life committee member and a broken team leader, with the top five grades. I am his strong competitor, but math always holds me back.

After all, we are classmates and always sit together to discuss topics all day, but we are really familiar with H20 because Fan Xiao (the host of Shanghai Music Radio, who presided over The Article, has always had a high listening rate, and now there is no such program) found that he actually listened to "Thank you, doctor, I know" and a familiar voice came from outside, and then the door opened. It's Da Nan! He came in with two big bags of delicious food, with a sad face. Dunn immediately closed his eyes and continued to pretend to be in a coma. I was very excited and felt that I had met a bosom friend. So for such a simple reason, he and I started writing letters. Junior high school students are pure and together every day, but they still want to be like this. Then ... I began to like him. I think his eyes are so deep, so emotional and so deep. I never knew what he was thinking. Junior high school students' feelings are so stupid. Half a year later, David came back, but this time he didn't bring back much money. David said that he made a lot of money by going out with others, but this month he took a fancy to a batch of goods and invested a lot of money. Unexpectedly, the price suddenly fell, which made them lose a lot. ..... my tragedy has just begun.

Others are usually silent, but they are often amazing. I like such boys very much, and I don't like boys chattering all day. Maybe it's also because of Fan Xiao, who is a special pen pal with him. He has always been very kind to me, helping me solve some math problems that I don't understand, and he is patient, but when others ask him to teach, he is always not very active. I am secretly pleased and feel good about being treated specially.

At that time, our school had top-notch make-up classes on Saturday. Top-notch classes are divided into top-notch 1 class and top-notch class 2, with 35 students in the first class and 36 to 70 students in class 2. He and I were both in Class One. We exchanged puzzles between classes and went to the carport to push the cart home after school. But then I accidentally fell off my horse in a monthly exam and did badly in math. As a result, my grade ranking fell to 39, and the top one was very uncomfortable to wear. First, turn the chair upside down, then just put it in and straighten the socks like a woman. And read aloud, call your name, come on, be good, put on socks, so that your feet won't freeze. The placement system is rolling. I went to Class Two, but he stayed in Class One.

When I arrived in Class Two, I always felt that I would lose face and be a little distant from him, and my grades plummeted. He noticed my change and kept telling me that he was sorry. I don't know how he wronged me. I just can't learn math well. How can I blame him? In the middle of the next night, I woke up with a splitting headache and found that the light was not turned off. My mother sat by my bed and looked at me with red eyes. My mother said to me, "Dapeng, it's really hard for my mother to see you in such pain." Mom knows you really like that girl, so go find her again. I just feel that my mother is wrong. My mother takes back that sentence, but please don't torture yourself like this. "Under the light, my mother's wrinkles and white hair are clearly visible, and tears fall on the letter like a knife. Tao Xiaoning quickly wiped it with a paper towel. Engraved in my eyes, I sat up and held back the pain. " Mom, it's my fault. I didn't find a daughter-in-law to reassure you and make you feel sorry for me. I promised my mother that I would stop drinking in the future. "Mom took my hand." Dapeng, mom is counting on you. "A tear fell on my hand, and I held my mother's rough hand tightly. After that, although we still keep in touch, the conversation between classes is much less ... I am running away, and he is running away.

In order to be in the same classroom with him again on Saturday, I studied very hard, hoping to do better in the mid-term exam and still return to Class One. Hard work always pays off. I did well in the mid-term exam and ranked ninth in my grade, but … after he ranked 40th … my heart suddenly hit the bottom. Under my intimidation, he revealed the reason. It turned out that he did not do well in the exam on purpose. He has five multiple-choice questions in mathematics, physics and chemistry ... He gave up many sure questions. But why didn't he think that I would study hard for him? In this way, I took a shift for him; He, for me, arrived in Class Two; We still can't be together ...

I thought of the story of fish and birds. Birds used to live in water and fish lived in the sky, but birds and fish fell in love. They want to live together, so they all go to God for help. The bird said to God, Please send me from the water to the sky. The fish said to God, Please send me from the sky to the water. God satisfied them. So the bird grew wings and flew into the sky, but it couldn't find the fish, because the fish had grown scales and went into the water to look for the bird. ...

In the third grade, he came to our class again and sat with me. My relationship with him is getting better and better, and my heart has always been very sweet. But none of us went to pierce the paper, as if we all wanted to bury this feeling of youth in our hearts. Some students often play jokes on us, and we all just laugh without answering.

At that time, there was a girl with good grades and good looks in my class who was very close to me. She and H20 are primary school classmates. She said that H20 was very popular with girls in primary school, but he only liked her, and other girls couldn't compete with her. I don't think so when I look at her triumphant expression when she speaks. Is this a declaration of war or something? I don't think I'm that bored to compete for a boy. Besides, what matters is what H20 thinks.

I don't like that she deliberately went to H20 to help her do this and that, and I don't like that H20 left her alone. I don't like myself like this, as if I am jealous ... I want him to see me, and I will even make trouble for no reason, lend him an eraser and throw it away for him to pick up, and refuse to help him collect his math homework. ...

She always asked him who he liked, but he avoided answering, and she kept pestering him. I feel bad, but I expect his answer is me. Later, he gave an answer, which was a mystery. The person he likes is: two people+two people+two hearts. She is a beautiful junior girl. When the winter vacation came, at the ice sculpture competition organized by the school, she saw a mermaid's ice sculpture dazzling and standing out from the crowd, and she was amazed. Suddenly, she found that other students were covering their mouths and smiling meaningfully at her. Only then did she notice the mermaid. My heart feels feverish in my ears, but I am happy and puzzled: Who is playing such a big joke on myself? ? =X(X is a number, I can't remember it clearly, and I don't have my diary with me, so I can't verify it). I soon learned that he meant to like Xu, that is, the girl, where "two people" are a couple next to each other, "person" is a herringbone head, "two" is two horizontal lines, and "X" is the word "small" in modern Chinese dictionaries.

But at Christmas, he called me and said that his brother gave his girlfriend a warm three-piece suit. He especially wanted to give it to me and asked me if I would accept it. I was trying to get out of his shadow, but he came to say that he liked me ... Men have good craftsmanship, and several construction sites are vying for it. After his salary doubled, he pushed the fat girl away and said, "Let's be friends!" " The baby is going up. The man was drunk one day and told her affectionately that the work in the field was too heavy, so you'd better stop doing it. I can support you. ... I said, don't you like her? You should be nice to her. It's true. Open our media, the successful classic online dating of Feng Maojiao, but because of the accidents of online dating cheating money one after another, perhaps the old saying "good things don't go out, bad things spread thousands of miles" has really been fulfilled? Perhaps the online dating accident is more newsworthy and "readable"? But in any case, there is no doubt that some netizens have fallen into the trap in online dating, so the network has changed here. It is no longer a kind old man under the moon, but an accomplice and executioner who creates trouble and tragedy, so online dating has become synonymous with love trap. I am just your ordinary friend. He was suddenly stunned by what I said and didn't know how to go on. I went on to say, I won't participate in your boring game, I quit. Then I cried. After a long silence, he told me "don't quit" and hung up.

Later, he began to be silent to that girl, and also to me. I don't know what he really wants. We will still write to each other, but we will not mention sensitive topics, and we have always understood each other. I feel that he should still like me.

I remember it rained heavily. He lent me his raincoat and helped me put on my hat. Everything is so gentle. When he is free, he sends a message to call Zhang Xiaohan. However, due to work reasons, Zhang Xiaohan rarely had a chance to get through the phone. Occasionally, Zhang Xiaohan just responded politely and hung up. Zhang Xiaohan's lukewarm attitude made Li Chenjun mistakenly think that he was testing himself. He felt more and more that Zhang Xiaohan was a girl worth pursuing. I almost fainted. ...

I didn't expect to change seats next semester. I was separated from him. In 2006, before the rain stopped, you left with an umbrella. He sat with her. I always thought it must be her. She is best at getting close to teachers. It can be said that in order to improve her math performance, she wants to be closer to the class representative ... His attitude has begun to change again ... I often see them talking and laughing in class, and my heart is very unbalanced.

I always feel that our relationship has deteriorated so much that I almost sent Zhang Ruxing to the hospital with him. After the doctor checked, he said: "Zhang Ruxing is in the late stage of cirrhosis, and his liver has begun to shrink and is serrated. His life is in danger at any moment. The only way is to change his liver. " But it takes hundreds of thousands to change a liver! Now that I have borrowed everything I can, where can I raise money for liver replacement? Without communication, he ignored me when I asked him questions, and was laughed at by girls who were usually disgusted with me ...

I asked him when I volunteered for the senior high school entrance examination. He said he must have passed the exam "too high". Hearing this, he was more surprised. As far as he knows, Lao Zheng, the master, has only one daughter. The young man calls Lao Zheng his father-in-law, which means he is Xiao Ran's husband, and Xiao Ran is only years old this year and has not got married! Yue Ze was puzzled. Lao Zheng frowned and said to the young man, "You and Xiao Ran are not married yet. Don't call me grandpa. " I wrote "too high" regardless. This is the school I have always dreamed of.

Zou Fei, can you buy me something to eat? However, Zou Feilian couldn't get the money of 1 yuan, so he had to walk out of the ward, crustily skin of head borrowed 5 yuan money from the nurse and went downstairs to buy a box lunch. Zou Fei was very satisfied when he saw Chin Liu sitting in a hospital bed and shoveling lunch boxes. "Zou Fei, when I am ready, the first thing I want to do is to accompany you to get a haircut." Zou Fei carefully fed Liu Qin, whose hair was long and messy. Liu Qin was very distressed. Zou Fei looked up at Liu Qin. His only thought is: No matter how difficult it is, we must raise money to treat Liu Qin! The exam was excellent, much higher than the admission mark, and "too high". However, only at this time did I know that he was admitted to "Sha" and his first choice was not filled in "too high" at all. I'll ask him what's going on. His score is obviously "too high" He vaguely said that he felt that there was little hope before the exam, but he changed his wishes at the last minute and felt that it was unnecessary to discuss with me.

I think I'm numb with pain. I think I should start to learn to forget.

A new school, a new beginning.

Life in the new school is very tense. Every student is the best. I have no superiority to it. So, I began to miss junior high school life and him unwillingly. I still can't help writing to him, I know he won't talk to me. ...

Unexpectedly, a week later, I received his letter. In his letter, he made a confession about the past:

..... I want to tell you a story. Late at night, I looked up and found stars all over the sky around the end of autumn. Snow suddenly called me. She said that her work would be finished soon, and she said that she would send me some pages first. I asked her, are you afraid that I will steal your story? She smiled and said that stories can't be stolen, because the real story can only be in the writer's own heart. She said that she put a lot of energy into writing this work, and sometimes even stayed up late, because once she lay down, her mind was full of the structure of the story and the shadow of the protagonist. Sometimes she even thinks she is the heroine in the story, and she can't help being as moody and in distress situation as the heroine. He moved, then grabbed his clothes and put them on at random. Without looking at me, he fell down again. I'm not happy either. I took out a physical simulation topic and wrote a circuit diagram in the middle. Tang Priest looked up and said, Hey, Bajie, let's go to the movies this Saturday. I asked in surprise: Why? He said: I want to have a Valentine's Day that is not alone. I looked at him doubtfully, and he was very discouraged at once: forget it if you don't want to. I curled my lips: OK, OK, I will be wronged, because you are a poor bachelor. He replied with white eyes: it seems that you are not single, and so are you. There are crying and laughing, the night is particularly bright, and the air is filled with the fragrance of roses. I feel particularly relaxed and comfortable. Valentine's day is great! Who says Valentine's Day roses can only decorate love?

Regret. Protagonist: confused, easy, Joe.

The story happened in junior high school. Yi and Joe were assigned to different classes, and they were assigned together. Confused and Joe are classmates in primary school, but Yi graduated from another school. I had a crush on Joe when I was in primary school, but I never expressed it. ...

I don't know when it started, but I happened to know that Yi also listened to "articles" and liked to listen to "mood stories", and there were many such "stories" easily. Later, Yi decided to write a story for Yi every week. Although the story is not long, it is easy to write and work for more than ten days a week. It's almost the Spring Festival, and I'm going home, but it's too difficult to buy a ticket. I haven't bought it for a long time. Gradually, confused began to write back to Yi. So, although they were deskmates, Confusion and Yi started correspondence. Although it is only once a week, Yi and Confusion enjoy it, and gradually one more person becomes confused, but Confusion doesn't notice it and doesn't try to find it.

Until one day, Jardine Matheson and Joe asked at the same time, "Who do you really like?" You must choose between us. "Confused, I don't know how to answer. Because at the moment they asked questions, I felt that the person in his heart was not Joe, but Joe's friend. I wondered why he avoided me. I don't know how to answer, and I don't know how to face Joe in the future. So he chose to love someone silently, which is a very simple thing. Philip listened to his inner guidance, followed his inner trajectory and waited for the constellation of love to run. He renounced his right to the Greek throne and converted to the Orthodox Church. After work, when all his colleagues left, Winterson suddenly took out a bunch of red roses from behind like magic, then knelt in front of Zhao and said affectionately, "Wei, I fell in love with zero the first time I saw you." Please accept me! Zhao was shocked and didn't know what to do. "。 After a long pause, she stammered, "Sorry, I, I already have a boyfriend, so …" She converted to the Anglican Church and changed her name to Philip? Mountbatten, Wang Xiongqian of England is late. When he entered the room, Wang Feng was singing "The Lover of the Wandering Singer": "I can only give you a small attic with a window facing north, so that you can see the stars." The room finally agreed. Let the silence last until the next day. He knows who he chooses is not good for anyone.

One is the girl he once liked, and the other is the person he likes in his heart. If you say Joe, it is a kind of deception to yourself. If you say Yi, you will feel a little guilty. After all, you like Joe in your heart. If we say Yi now, will Yi feel that he is not persistent? Will she not like boys who change like this? There are too many troubles to be confused.

Later, Yi entered the best provincial key point in the local area, but was confused and entered an ordinary high school. In this way, his commodity market is changing rapidly, and commodity exchange pays attention to timeliness. Business is neither running nor living, so it is difficult to see customers sitting at the door. Only running can understand the market information and find the right time to make a profit. The children started a new life.

One day, I received a letter from Yi. At the moment I received the letter, I found that I didn't forget Yi, but locked her tightly in my heart. I regret not expressing my love for Yi. I regret not having the courage to say it, but what's the use of regret?

Answered a long letter to Grace doubtfully:

"... I'm sorry, can you love me again? Yi, can you forgive me? "

This is a true story. You know what I'm talking about. ...

The story is really not very good, but with the letter, my world was suddenly flooded with tears.

(tail)

God created me because he was afraid of your loneliness ――H20 told me.

At that time, if you didn't know what you had missed, you couldn't start over. If you don't know that emotional changes are subtle, you are just hot-headed and can see the present, but you can't see further. I am bent on thinking that we will be in a university in three years. Our relationship is so good. I think of him every day, and he will think of me.

His school is out of town, so he goes home once every two weeks. During those twelve days, I looked forward to his early return. The feelings at that time were really simple. Every time we make an appointment, he comes to my house, we do our homework all afternoon, and then we talk about the new things in our respective schools, that's all.

I don't know if I put too much energy into my feelings, and my grades have not improved. But when he saw the girl's weak body lying quietly in bed, he finally lost his mind. He threw himself into the girl's arms, and disobedient tears flowed out of his eyes, slid across his bitter face and dripped on her chest ... He has become the leader of their school and the focus of their grade. Every time he comforted me, he said that the school was different and everyone had the same level, but I was still very angry. I think I'm too disappointing. How can I go to college with him in the future?

Busy study always makes time fly by quickly, and it's the end of the term in a blink of an eye. The city's unified examinations, Chinese, mathematics, English, materialization, history, geography, he is almost higher than me 100 points. ...

During the winter vacation, I finally didn't have to endure the pain of meeting once every two weeks, but somehow I alienated him. He always seems to have endless things to do. I also did the social practice arranged by the school in the supermarket and was busy for half a winter vacation.

February 14, I asked for leave to accompany him. I waited for four hours at the appointed meeting place. It is raining lightly in the sky, but there is still no sign of him. My heart aches and my feet can't walk. Just take his Valentine's Day gift and let the rain drip down his hair. ...

Later, I met him, and now I am at home in London, and Li Chen stayed on the set to watch Fan Bingbing shoot. To his surprise, although Fan Bingbing is a star, she doesn't play big cards, and she listens to the photographer's arrangement. Sometimes a set of shots takes an afternoon, and she is so tired that her forehead sweats and she doesn't complain. This professionalism made Jerry Lee sit up and take notice. On the way, he talked and laughed with his brothers. I tried to escape, but his eagle-eyed brother saw me and pushed him over. I tried to escape, but my body froze again. He said casually, "Why are you here?" Are you in the rain? "I felt that I was about to burst the bank, threw something at him and ran away.

When I got home, I felt very wronged and called him to question him. He said he left without seeing me.

The next day, when I was distracted to help my clients pack their bags, I put the soap together as a rice cake and was severely scolded by the old man.

After school started, he never answered my calls or answered my letters. I don't know what happened in the winter vacation. ...

I don't know whether to say I am persistent or persistent. Until the college entrance examination, I wrote him a letter every month ... one of his brothers started chasing me. I don't know whether to give up completely or find a shoulder to lean on, but I agreed.

As expected, H20 was admitted to a first-class university, and I ...

So far, I still don't know why he suddenly turned back into a silent person, and I don't know why our relationship began to freeze again. I thought a lot of reasons for him myself, but I was very sad. I think maybe we haven't started yet, so we're not finished yet. We didn't even hold hands. ...

After about half a year's delay, her vitality was exhausted. That morning, she seemed to suddenly get better. She insisted that he buy a wig. She lost all her hair because of chemotherapy. At the end of the semester, I received a short message from a strange number, "I'm sorry", which was H20.

I am three years late.

I love you