On the topic of how to save your girlfriend, let's talk about how to save your words.

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Text | wego _ Lao Wang

People always ask about saving words. Just three years ago, I sent a tweet about my personal conversation. This is how important it is to chat when saving feelings. 》

It is mentioned in the article that knowing your identity is more important than speaking. People with unclear boundaries easily cross the line. People don't know what to do when they want to pick it up. Slowly, the relationship is alienated.

But in the past three years, I have gone through the process of guidance and put forward some new views on dialogue.

Of course, the boundary is still the key, but if you want to improve and save the text, there are still ways.

Note that the so-called method is not to let you recite the routine template, but I still deny the so-called "salvage voice library". Needless to say, whoever listens is embarrassed.

What is really useful is some "stupid" methods. In my opinion, there are only two points.

Preparation+practice.

Everyone did math problems when they were studying at school. Look at the problem and you will know what formula to use instead. Simple questions can be mentally calculated and answers can be guessed.

Many people think that this is the difference in talent. As the saying goes, rational thinking is generally strong in men and weak in women, and it is normal to react slowly.

However, in fact, this view has been misinterpreted, and there is no evidence that women are born with a lack of rational logical thinking ability. More in line with the actual situation, more and more women give up logical learning and become the world we see today.

This is a universal self-certified prophecy, with a large scope and far-reaching influence.

In the same way, I believe many people think that people who speak well are born with the ability to improvise and articulate.

Isn't it really the result of admitting that you are stupid and giving up your efforts? This is doubtful.

No one is born to talk. No matter who is familiar with a skill on a certain occasion, he is also very handy. He has gone through a novice period, an embarrassing practice period and a bottleneck period of promotion, and he will be confused and confused.

Now you know, you can't flow freely in communication. The opportunity to save every conversation is so precious. The only thing you can do is prepare, prepare, prepare.

Preparing in advance has two advantages.

First, you have been in contact, and you know exactly what topics each other is interested in, but there are very few topics. Of course, in the process of recovery, it is often necessary to consider that the sense of demand should not be overexposed, and it is not good to cater to each other's topics too much. But in order to chat happily, you can continue chatting for the second time, so try to prepare some topics of common interest, which will help to make the overall atmosphere relaxed and the conversation naturally continue smoothly.

Second, be prepared in advance, and you can better stabilize your mind when facing each other. Many people are afraid to speak in front of their predecessors, and they are always worried that they will say the wrong thing and screw things up. Half of the reason is because I care too much, and the other half is because I will panic if I am not ready.

Just like sometimes students ask me, "Teacher, what should I do if I am nervous?"

I want to say, "We have anticipated all possible situations and are prepared to deal with them separately. Now is the best time to contact them. Don't worry even if there is an accident. The sooner the problem is exposed, the better. The best way to overcome fear is to face it. You should have more confidence in yourself. "

Fighting a prepared war brings a stable mentality, and the benefits are not a little, as everyone who has experienced it knows.

The second point is practice, trying to get yourself out of the comfort zone bit by bit and overcome the embarrassment of dialogue step by step.

I took the case I was chasing, guided the students to establish their mentality and crossed the threshold to strike up a conversation. A large number of experimental results show that there will only be one or two embarrassments for the first time, and then it will be all right, that is, growth.

The recovery is a little different. You don't have to face your ex directly, but you can try to chat with strangers and get rid of unnecessary embarrassment. in this

Deliberate practice is useful, even if the object is not your predecessor, the resulting experience growth will be transformed into your self-confidence, and you will soon find that it is no big deal, and you will think that your previous fears are quite funny. There is a saying that "as long as I am not embarrassed, it is someone else who is embarrassed", which is actually reasonable.

Why are you embarrassed, trying to save it, but afraid to contact?

Because you are too afraid of failure, this shows that you attach too much importance to yourself and care too much about your image in your predecessor's mind.

But with all due respect, you can basically find our side to save it. How good can your image be in your predecessor's mind? What made you hallucinate?

Through deliberate practice, you can not only get used to the rhythm of conversation, but also have a good attitude. More importantly, you will find that you are really not as important as you think. Let yourself go slowly and relax a little, and you will live more and more comfortably.

When you come here, you will find the lines of your predecessor, not to mention the improvement of words, and the gas field will be directly different. Like a different person, you can make the other person feel your change from the conversation, which is the real growth.

Therefore, in fact, saving words is not so mysterious, and communication skills can be improved, but it can't be done overnight. I want to recite a few paragraphs, prepare a template of thesaurus to chat, or wash and sleep. Don't treat each other like fools, whether they are people or machines. It's easier to see through what you say than you think.

The process of really effective communication, chat and conversation is just like catching a ball. Look, everyone else is having a good time. That's because they are really emotional and sincere, they have made behind-the-scenes preparations and experienced countless deliberate drills.

Look at yourself again and you will know why you can't catch the ball well.

Thank you for reading. Send a personal message to @WeGo to save love, and send "22" to get a copy of the data to save love.

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