What do you talk to girls every day?

Improve your chat skills, including what aspects?

For example: your state of mind? Do you have confidence? Do you know the language thinking mode of girls? Is the topic material enough? Do you have certain chatting skills? Do you know the routine of chatting? Can you read a girl's psychological needs or emotions? Wait a minute.

At the same time, you also need to practice and summarize yourself.

Let me share a chat formula with you first:

High-quality topic+good chat thinking+careful listening+humor+attention to detail = a chat that excites my sister.

Then systematically explain to you how to improve your chat skills.

1. Accumulate chat topics

Many people make mistakes in the process of chatting, not because of skills, but because there is not enough topic material.

The prerequisite for skills to work is that you have enough material.

But the reality is often that you lack topic material so that you can't spell chat skills at all.

So, you have to accumulate chat material first.

For example, travel, fitness, horoscope, college experience, interesting things around you and what happened to you, recent hot spots, movies and so on.

Some time ago, a brother asked me for help: "Teacher, I accosted a girl on our university campus. At that time, we had a good chat and successfully added WeChat. We talked for another two days and had a good interaction. The girl still sent me a message on her own initiative the next day, but the reply she gave me recently was very dull. Don't know why? "

Then I asked my brother to put together their chat records and send them to me. After reading them, I know what the problem is. Girls really have a big window and want to know boys. However, in the process of chatting, girls threw out topics of interest several times in a row, which were all switched by boys, but boys didn't know how to continue chatting, so girls slowly lost interest in boys.

I can only say to this brother: I am sorry!

Obviously, the topic materials are not well mastered.

Of course, material things are not enough. You still have to practice in the chat. Only practice can improve one's level and appear natural and unpretentious.

2. Language thinking patterns of men and women

Look at three groups of dialogues first:

Two girls (Lili and Tingting)

Lili: I saw a skirt in the mall yesterday. It was very beautiful.

Tingting: I saw a windbreaker in XX store the day before yesterday, which is also very beautiful.

They all re-describe their living conditions and feelings, which is the language thinking mode of women.

Two boys (Jia Ming and Levin)

Levin just feeling hair:

Jia Ming: Ah, I shaved my head.

Levin: Hehe, I shaved it.

Jia Ming: It's so fucking stupid.

Levin: Get out.

Direct, brief, evaluation and result are men's language thinking modes.

Girls and boys

Lili: I saw a skirt in the mall yesterday. It was very beautiful.

M: How much is it? (directly enter the thinking mode of solving problems)

This is the difference between male and female language thinking patterns.

Therefore, we can sum up a language thinking mode for men and women.

(1) Male thinking

Features:

Pile up, abstract generalization, make evaluation, solve problems, explore motives, predict the future, establish cause and effect, summarize reasoning, defend against negation, give priority to purpose, guide results, and take objectivity as the standard.

(2) Female thinking

Features:

Delete, specify details, express feelings, describe problems, pay attention to the past, compare the present, list phenomena, talk about things, be frank and sure, forget the purpose, live in the present, and take self as the standard.

We can see that male thinking is suitable for solving problems and female thinking is suitable for maintaining relationships.

Moreover, these two modes of thinking are not fixed and can be changed at any time.

When communicating with girls, boys should adopt more female thinking.

Because girls' thinking pays more attention to the feeling of a state, giving people a sense of security, people will be more confident and calm in a highly secure state, thus better continuing the topic.

3. Be good at listening and seeking approval

Listening is neither blindly obeying the person you are chatting with nor arguing with the other person's point of view.

The essence of listening is to put your own "empathy" into it through the situation, feelings and experiences of the chatting object, so as to guide the other party to continue to express their feelings. Listening skills can be started from the following aspects:

(1) alternative meaning

When a girl tells you, "I recently lost my job"

You have to assume that you have just lost your job or that your attention has shifted to your previous unemployment. At this time, your answer can be like this:

"No wonder you are in such a bad mood. I have also experienced unemployment. Haha, I was really in a bad mood during that time. What is the reason for your resignation? "

This expression can convey a message:

First of all, express that she has had similar experiences and let her know that you understand her psychological feelings;

Secondly, express your concern and guide in-depth communication.

Pay attention to guide according to each other's mood. If the other person doesn't want to mention sad things, then don't ask again. You can talk about your own experience, but in the end it must be positive energy infusion.

(2) Psychological suggestion

I often set some sounds to remind myself that I am just having an ordinary chat. The main functions of the voice prompt are as follows:

(1) Putting forward different opinions or viewpoints in diplomacy.

For example, "Is this really the case? I met a different situation ... ".

This is much easier to accept than "talking nonsense again, obviously ...".

(2) Remind yourself that after an argument, the number of sentences to be debated should not exceed 5.

(c) Remind yourself to ask more questions.

When you have finished expressing your opinions or ideas, you can use "What do you think?" The end of this sentence. This makes the other person feel involved, and also avoids his own stupid gushing.

(d) Remind yourself to give each other the "sense of identity" they desire.

You can express your similar experience or experience.

Appropriate body language.

You can high-five when you are happy, and give each other paper towels when you are sad.

(f) Even if you don't agree with each other, don't dig at and ridicule each other, otherwise it will only alienate your relationship.

Pay attention to intonation and tone when you speak.