Fortune Telling Collection - Zodiac Analysis - There is an urgent need for some jokes to explore and innovate.

There is an urgent need for some jokes to explore and innovate.

I am a male teacher. Hemorrhoids committed, pad a sanitary towel (sanitary towel is my wife's). When I was playing basketball at school, the damn thing fell out along my trouser leg with blood on it ~ ~ ~

There are many students watching the ball around the stadium, NND, it is not impossible. ...

When I lived in high school, a classmate came home and asked him to bring something for me, so he sent a short message: burn me some clothes and money.

I made crabs last night. After the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. Crabs are fresh and turn around in the pot.

My wife is careful and kind, and she can't see this, so she hides behind me and covers her eyes.

I said with relief, Jia Jia, are we too cruel? Wife: Hmm. ............................................................................................................................................................................

The old man who teaches chemistry is 800 degrees nearsighted. After finishing writing the blackboard in class, he turned around and suddenly pointed at me.

Shout: What are you standing for? ! Sit down! ! I sat in the last seat, and my coat hung on the wall behind me. ...

In the first aid class at the university, the professor gave a demonstration while talking about cardiopulmonary resuscitation:

Professor: Put your hands on your chest. Don't press too hard. Just press 2~3cm. Too much force will easily break the patient's ribs!

Professor: Let's look at the demonstration (press your hand hard). Click! The model's ribs are broken.

Sorry to say, class is over ~

6 University went to Shenzhen to sketch and strolled on the road with classmates. Suddenly, a male classmate walked to the side of the road, patted a man on the shoulder and asked, "Excuse me, brother". Is it because his brain was crowded by the door and he went to ask the cashier at the bank? ! The cashier may not have heard it clearly either. I turned around and nervously pointed a gun at him (big spray): "What are you doing! What are you doing! " My classmate pointed the gun at himself.

Frightened to tears, he said, "Big Brother, it doesn't mean anything. I asked what time it was. " . . . .

Sweating by the waterfall. . . . . . .

I bought an evil graduation book when I graduated from primary school, because it said that the constellation of 65438+1October 20th-February 18 was-

-Water tank seat

Later, for a long time, people asked me what constellation you were, and I said Aquarius!

After work with my former colleagues, I walked to the station across the street from the company. A man came over and stared at me for a while. I just want to ask him if he knows me. The man looked at me and then threw up! It's embarrassing ~ ~

That man is an alcoholic!

I was speechless and my colleagues laughed. Since then, this matter has been passed down through the ages. . .

Colleagues told everyone that * * * that's ugliness. The man threw up at her. . .

nine

My friend got drunk once. According to his mother, he was in the toilet, holding the phone in his right hand and pressing his left hand on the mirror, looking at the "prisoner" in the mirror affectionately: Did you eat well? Has the prison been strictly controlled recently? Leave as soon as possible ...

Once, because I had something to contact a classmate, but his number was not stored in my mobile phone, I sent a short message to another classmate who knew him very well, "Do you have XXX's phone number?" Then I waited patiently for a reply. After 5 minutes, I finally received a reply. I couldn't wait to open the short message and wrote a "yes". In desperation, I can only send a short message to this big brother again, "So, please tell me?" I waited another five minutes and received a reply. I can't wait to open it again, and the other two words are impressively written, "Good"!

1 1

When I first went to college, it was very special. The teacher once again asked me to show ppt, which I had never used before. It happened that I was the first to speak, and the projector didn't respond after turning on the computer for a long time.

The guy below shouted press F2, press F2!

So I hesitated and asked: Are these two keys pressed at the same time?

A little girl ran to the counter and said to me,' Aunt, give me a packet of ketchup.'

I'm a boy, at least that's what it says on my ID card.

So I smiled and handed it to her and said,' No problem, little brother.'

The little girl was shocked:' I'm not a little brother!'

Me: Am I an aunt? '

The little girl hurried away with ketchup!

When graduate students graduated, a girl and two boys in the class helped her move five boxes of things from the seventh floor to the first floor. The tired two boys almost died, and the aunt who looked at the building could not see the past. She said something that made me feel sorry. "My boyfriend doesn't want to use it, but other boyfriends are eager to use it."

When I went out one day, I called my friend and asked her to come out with me. Then I got on the bus and called her by the way: "Little M, have you arrived? Are you going out now? " Then my friend Xiao M said, "I'll take the bus!"

I said, "I take the bus 10X, which one do you take?" The friend was overjoyed: "Me too!"

I think something is wrong. I saw the opposite person looking at me like a psychopath. I subconsciously looked back and found my friend Xiao M sitting in the seat behind me: "Have you arrived yet?" Have you arrived yet? Why don't you talk? Hey ... "

Once I took the No.45 bus to the Bell Tower and met a middle-aged woman on the way. At that time, there were not many people in the car, but she was standing next to me and another MM. I subconsciously put my bag in front, but the MM next to me was oblivious to looking out of the window. Soon, the middle-aged woman reached into MM's bag with one hand. Just then, I suddenly let out a loud fart, making the whole car look at me. I'm so ashamed that I can't wait to find a drill. However, the middle-aged woman quickly retracted her hand and covered her nose! Ha ha! "

When I was a freshman, the girls in the whole dormitory were very simple. None of us have seen a real condom.

When chatting one night, we gathered in front of the computer to search for pictures. As a result, only unopened pictures of boxes and small packages were found, but no unexpanded pictures were found, so I decided to buy one collectively at the coin machine on the roadside.

As a result, the machines rusted, and a group of us were discussing whether there was anything in the box, whether it was worth wasting a coin and so on. Passers-by may have been sweating when they saw us. ...

Later, I finally bought one, and one of the girls was shocked: "It's so small!" We all despised it and said that we would take it back to the dormitory and tear it down.

After opening it, most of us thought it was similar to our own imagination, but the girl still said, "It's so small! Then how to cover people up? " We were all knocked down by lightning. It turned out that she thought condoms were meant to trap the whole person …

Later, when we see disposable raincoats in the supermarket, we will say "your TT" to her.

The director of moral education in our high school is very powerful.

Classic joke: Now there is a very uncivilized phenomenon in our school. Many students play basketball with bare arms, and most of them are boys!

Are there still fewer shirtless girls now?

A classmate in high school is nearsighted for nearly a thousand degrees, so he can't be a man without glasses. ...

I broke my glasses while playing ball once, but I kept playing and continued to score the first three points. ...

At last it fell into a hole. ...

The audience was silent. ...

Then I picked up the ball and threw it to him to kick off. ..

Then he threw the ball back to me and said, isn't it out of bounds? You kick off. ...

Video: TV Sniper Episode 23

Comments:

Ku6 user IP: 58.57.7. * Published on August 2009-16 at 22: 08.

I watched many anti-Japanese movies, but the traitors were all from China.

An aunt who practiced driving together ~ ~ One day her husband took her home on a motorcycle ~ ~ On the way, a man tried to stop them and told them ~ ~ My car was stolen by the person in front, so lend me to chase it ~ Aunt's husband ignored him and continued to drive ~ Aunt sat in the back and said ~ ~ ~ ~ I lent you my car. What car shall I take to chase you later- .....

2 1

Once I had a drink with my friends. From afternoon to evening, all the white wine turned into red wine. Finally, I held the wine in my glass in one hand and patted him on the shoulder in the other. I was about to speak my mind when he spit out all the red wine in his mouth and absorbed it. He froze for a second and cried, which was heartbreaking. I said helplessly, "didn't you just throw up all over me?" Nothing, who and who? "

Small a company recently got a salary, and small a happily went to the accounting office to get a salary, and then ...

The accountant said, "Come and get paid later. I have no change here. "

My high school classmate (MM) was sent by the school to promote AIDS Day after going to college, and went to a lecture on AIDS prevention with people in the community. On that day, they moved to stools and sat around the classroom waiting for the teacher to give a speech.

At this time, someone came in and gave everyone a banana in turn.

My classmate's name is Happy. Hey ~ you can still eat fruit after the lecture. 8 wrong, 8 wrong ...

While peeling bananas, she and the people next to her were laughing and having fun.

At this moment, the teacher came in and everyone sent a TT.

It turns out that bananas are used for TT.

But my classmate has only one banana peel left in his hand. .

When I was a freshman, the college entrance examination was coming soon. The senior three in our school must be very nervous. On Monday, the flag was raised, and a female sophomore gave a speech on the screen: ... All senior three students should face the college entrance examination seriously, give full play to their best level, and don't repeat the mistakes of the senior high school entrance examination. ...

The chemistry teacher did experiments on dilute hydrochloric acid and zinc. He prepared the test tube and poured some hydrochloric acid. I waited for a long time, but there was no response. He was puzzled and asked a classmate to answer: This classmate told me why there are no bubbles.

Classmate: Teacher, you didn't put zinc!

Teacher: This student answered very well!

In middle school, Wenquxing became popular. My classmate had money and bought one. 1998 spent 200 yuan.

I wanted to borrow his game for a while. When I went to a place to ask for a password, I asked him what the password was.

He didn't say, he said not to read, personal information.

So I gave up, but my curiosity not fade away.

One day, I saw him taking Wen Quxing out to play. I couldn't help but see him entering the password. I was secretly pleased to see that he had lost six identical words. It turned out that the password was so simple that I took a peek at it.

So, one day, while he was away, I dug up his Wenquxing and soon lost it. I saw six rice words * * * * *.

....

On the bus in Beijing, a man was carrying a 14-year-old boy.

There is a police car next to the bus when waiting for the traffic lights.

People don't know why they hate the police so much, so they say to the boy, "look, children, they are policemen." Police. "

You know, they are all sons of the people. I am the people, and the police are my sons! "

1 sec later, the boy shouted, "Then I am pol.ice's grandfather!"

The man sitting next to us couldn't help laughing.

I bought a bus card holder.

There is a pattern on it that looks like a chicken.

But we are not sure that this is a chicken.

They laughed at me and said that I had no taste and bought such ugly things.

I was unconvinced and said loudly, what happened to the chicken? Chickens have dignity (I was keen to say that xx also has dignity)

Then I found the whole hall looking at me. ...

One day.

Girlfriend: "I have a small waist."

I disdained, "That's a pork loin."

The best friend was unhappy and asked, "What waist are you?"

Answer: "waist."

In junior high school, two sets of independent tables and chairs were put together and quarreled with the deskmate (male). Then I buried my head in my exercise book and wrote my name. Then I stood up to hand in my homework and saw mine.

Sit at the same table on his small stool, and then hold his small table. . The whole thing proves. . . I was shocked. I don't know why. He slowly struggled to get up from the desk and chair and said piteously, I thought you were going to stand up and hit me.

3 1

A few days ago, I finally went out with my handsome brother who had a crush on me in junior high school.

I dressed up ~ I put on a chest patch because I wore a big collar dress. ...

After eating sweets, take a walk in the commercial street.

Suddenly, the handsome guy stopped and asked me, what's stuck under your clothes?

I looked down blankly, OMG! The chest patch slipped off! Still stuck to the hem of the clothes ~

I calmly took it off and threw it into the trash can: "I don't know what this is ~ I think it is stuck somewhere."

So the two of us walked on.

My hand, held in my chest, never came down. ......

Chatting gossip in the dormitory and chatting with us, a classmate stripped off the password of the mobile phone recharge card by hand. The more she talked, the more energetic she became. By the time she came to her senses, she had stripped the password of the recharge card. Later, she scraped the password from the scrap paper with wonderful craftsmanship and recharged it.

Once in physical education class, the teacher solemnly announced with a straight face as soon as he came up: Today I want to criticize two classmates, a man and a woman. A boy standing behind me muttered: dog men and women! A dog man and a dog woman! The teacher said loudly, I'm talking about you, you and XX (another woman) ~ ~ The whole class burst into laughter ~ ~

I saw a news on my mobile phone the other day: the singer was caught taking drugs with a smile. ...

I want to know. ...

Taking drugs is taking drugs. Why are you laughing and taking drugs?

Why does the news specifically point out that drug addicts are laughing and taking drugs?

Later I learned that Xiaoxiao was a singer. ...

A few years ago, when I was a secretary in the company, I hurried to the toilet and found that the door of the ladies' room was unlocked. Because the toilet is a single pit, I dare not enter it rashly, so I knocked on the door to test it. Only heard a female voice calmly answer: please come in ~ ~! !

I lost a key while looking for my pocket. I didn't find it at that time, but I went back to find it later!

There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it?

I thought it was the key. Say it quickly, mine, mine! this is mine

Only later did I know that the woman was pregnant. . . .

Pity my face. . . It hurt for a few days

When I was a child, I was not sensible. I only saw my mother wearing a bra and thought it was my mother's exclusive thing. So for a while, I went to the yard with a clothesline every day and took all my bras home. Neighbor women come to my house every day for bras, and I yell at them at the door every day. It's all my mother! ~

I am a washerwoman. Today, I accidentally erased the tattoo of a social tycoon.

At school, the school was a bungalow. School started in September, and many new students came. One day, a freshman seemed to be the class representative of a pile of homework and asked me, "Where is the math office?"

"Next to the men's room." The math office is really next to the men's room, but on the left.

The man walked to the right of the men's room and shouted "report" to the child.

There was a pause, and there was a voice "No Entry"!

......

When I was in primary school, I slept at night and dreamed of quarreling with my father. I was so angry that I woke up. Watch it after waking up.

It's still hot to see my father next to me. Go up and slap your mouth = =

4 1

A math morning exercise, the whole class didn't finish it. The math teacher looked puzzled and said, I finished it with advertising time last night. Your speed is too slow. A classmate refused to accept it on the spot and shouted: The teacher saw the advertisement of Hunan Satellite TV! The whole class burst into laughter.

Forty two.

News: David's wife gave birth to a daughter.

Comments: This David is really something.

I once went to a friend's house to get something downstairs. Three people were about to go upstairs when they met some children playing sunflower acupoints downstairs.

My friend went up and said, "Look at my sunflower hole, one of the children."

We're going upstairs. We stayed upstairs for at least half an hour. When we went downstairs, we saw that the child was still standing still.

A friend came over and the child was alive and kicking again.

I'm sweating like a pig .........................

Forty-four

I just got up in the morning and saw a woman in the opposite building wearing a bra for breakfast on the balcony. I called my husband to come and see, and he was livid and went back to the house naked behind my back without saying a word.