Composition Thoreau Cai Kangyong How a person views himself determines who he admires most in his heart.

Idol should be a signpost of a person's life.

Jiawei Zhang

Throughout the ages, most people have idols in their hearts. What do they think of their idols?

Turning to the annals of history, we can see that most of the idols worshipped by our predecessors are people with lofty ideals with outstanding talents who can shake people's hearts.

"Three summonses are important ministers, and the second generation is pure-hearted." Du Fu worships Zhuge Liang and admires Mr. Wolong's loyalty. Therefore, he was concerned about the country and the people, creating a precedent for criticizing realistic poetry; "When I was young, Xiao Qiao was married, with a handsome figure and a black silk scarf, and the laughter disappeared." Su Shi worships Zhou Lang. He values Zhou Lang's heroic achievements, not his handsome appearance. Therefore, he "spent his life in misty rain", in many aspects such as poetry, literature, words, books and paintings. Xin Qiji worships Sun Quan. He admires Sun Quan's ambition to defend Jiangdong to the death. So he "gobbled up Wan Li" and became a respectable all-rounder in civil and military affairs. ……

Cai Kangyong once said, "Who do you admire most in your heart? You don't have to be that person, but be yourself with that person's spirit and method. " Dongpo, Shaoling, Jiaxuan, ... they all worship idols in their hearts, regard idols as signposts of their own lives, turn their qualities and spirits into the driving force for their pursuit of their ideals, and then make themselves work hard.

On the other hand, in today's era, the idols we young people worship are mostly pop stars, movie stars and sports stars.

They watch every movie starring idols, listen to every song sung by idols, and have a game with idols. Not only that, they also frantically buy albums and records of idols and collect all the information about idols; From birth marks, height and weight, hobbies, clothing brands to love history ... What's more, Yuan Longping, a scientist known as the "father of global hybrid rice", and Da, a young singer who was very popular at that time, arrived at a certain place on the same plane. They got off the plane and the young singer was surrounded, but no one cared about Yuan Longping. A scientist with outstanding achievements is not as popular as a young singer, and he worships idols so blindly. What a loss of confidence!

Bing Xin has a saying: "People only admire the current brilliance of a successful flower;" The first bud was soaked with tears of struggle and full of blood and rain of sacrifice. "When we worship idols, we should not only admire their' present glory', but also lose ourselves. We should, like our predecessors, worship the inner qualities of idols-their strong perseverance and persistent spirit of "saturated with tears of struggle and full of blood rain of sacrifice" in the process of success, and draw strength from idols as a signpost of their own lives to motivate themselves.

Who do you admire most in your heart? You don't have to become that person, and you don't have to admire its present brilliance, but arm yourself with that person's spirit to make yourself work hard!

1. The opening is closely related to the topic, and the following is led out by questions, which is unique.

2. The main part, from both ancient and modern aspects, selects typical cases, through positive and negative comparison and in-depth analysis of famous sayings and aphorisms, clearly expounds the theme of the full text-learning the spiritual quality of idols as their own life signposts, so as to motivate themselves to work hard.

3. The author pays special attention to the use of distinctive language symbols to express clear ideas, so that people can grasp the context and main points of the article in an instant.

4. Let's stop here, sublimate the main idea and leave a deep impression on people.

Simulation score: content 23+ expression 24+ development 9 = 56.

Scoring basis:

It is an effective way to avoid digression by starting with a question, leading to the main idea of the full text and then interpreting the main idea with the length of the whole article. In this way, we should pay attention to the writing arrangement of the following articles, not only step by step, but also the typicality of the selected cases. This article is undoubtedly the best example of this writing method.

High score masterpiece 2

Only by looking at yourself correctly can we make a difference.

Liuqitan

"How a person views himself determines his fate and points to his destination." Thoreau was right. Only when a person looks at himself correctly, is brave in self-reflection and perfects himself can he make a difference.

Franklin, a famous American scientist, was young and energetic when he was young. I once visited my tutor and "looked up into the door and bumped into the door frame". He regards the teaching he got from this visit as the greatest gain in his life, and lists it as one of the principles of life, so that he can know how to treat himself correctly. From then on, he got rid of the frivolous problem in his heart and made himself calm and capable. Later, he made outstanding contributions and became a great man. Qi Baishi, a painter who has long been famous in the world, can correctly see his success-"Now that my reputation is high, many people think that I just wipe it casually-I can't be confused by the false words of the outside world. I have to practice hard and control myself." It is precisely because after his success, the old man Baishi can still look at himself correctly and make unremitting changes and innovations in painting, so his works in his later years are more perfect and mature than his earlier works, and he has also formed his own unique genre and style.

It is particularly important to look at yourself correctly and be brave in self-reflection. With the consciousness of self-reflection, you can have the heart to correct, and with the heart to correct your own shortcomings, you can do better and make a difference. In ancient times, at the beginning of Zhou Dynasty, he reflected on himself when he eliminated the three evils and became a gentleman who was loyal to the monarch and for the people. In modern times, Ba Jin was deeply hurt by the Cultural Revolution and wrote "Random Thoughts", which won people's admiration for his ruthless criticism. Argentine President Cristina reflected on herself, resolutely gave up smoking addiction and set an example for her children. Only by being brave in self-reflection can we see our own shortcomings, correct our mistakes and succeed.

On the other hand, some people, who can't treat themselves correctly and don't know how to be strict with themselves, will go further and further on the fork of life and get stuck in it. The "Fudan poisoning case" shocked the whole country because Lin Senhao could not treat himself correctly, but pushed himself into the fire of fanatical jealousy; "Celebrity drug abuse" surprised Chinese people. As the son of a celebrity, Zhang Mo can't treat himself correctly. Once he commits another crime, it will add negative energy to society.

From individuals to countries, if we can't look at ourselves correctly and reflect on history, the consequences will be terrible. The Japanese government and the right-wing forces can't face up to and reflect on the history of aggression, and they are secretive and prostrate themselves in worship, which has aroused strong protests from Asian governments and people. It is impossible for them to change from an economic power to a "political power" with wishful thinking.

Kim Lorne, a successful American philosopher, once said: "Success is not pursued by people, but actively attracted by the changed self." Living in today's society, if you want to make a difference, you need to look at yourself correctly, be brave in self-reflection and improve yourself, so that you can better move towards the future.

Comments:

The first paragraph quickly introduces the topic and clearly shows the point.

The second paragraph, taking Franklin and Qi Baishi as examples, shows that only by looking at themselves correctly can we make a difference.

In the third paragraph, the examples of Zhou Chu, Ba Jin and Christina are not only novel, but also further fasten the viewpoint of "treating yourself correctly and being brave in self-reflection".

The fourth and fifth paragraphs quoted negative arguments from Lin Senhao, Zhang Mo, Japanese government and right-wing forces, which made profound progress.

Paragraph 6 summarizes the full text and makes the finishing point again.

Simulation score: content 24+ expression 23+ development 8 = 55.

Scoring basis:

Paying attention to life and writing from details is an important magic weapon to impress people. The author of this article can see the world with keen eyes and find inspiring people and things everywhere in life, especially the typical examples of Lin Senhao, Zhang Mo, Japanese government and right-wing forces, which is really impressive. The outline at the beginning, the induction and sublimation at the end, and the positive and negative contrast of the theme make the center of the full text stand out and the structure clear at a glance.

Low-scoring disease text

The taste of life

Huang Xinmei

A cordate telosma was planted in front of the yard. It is light green, like a little girl in a green dress, covered with small and exquisite emeralds. At dusk, the breeze passed by and danced briskly, bringing a ray of sweetness and fascination.

That night, I sat at my desk thinking hard about the math finale arranged by my teacher. It was dark outside the window and the clouds were thick. The wind comes and goes tirelessly, leaving a room full of the sweetness of cordate telosma. I didn't mean to appreciate it, and my pen kept on. The auxiliary line has been changed, changed and added, but there is still no clue.

The wind is getting stronger and stronger and the rain is ringing. The rain beat on the window, making a loud "click" sound, and my thoughts were scattered: I have always admired Wei Liu, but I can play beautiful music in the Vienna Concert Hall without hands, attracting the attention of the whole world, but I am too poor to even solve a math problem. I sighed and turned off the light.

The next day, as soon as I walked out of the gate, I saw a piece of residual green, which was cordate telosma. Last night's storm did not show any pity for the beauty, but knocked over all the flowers on the ground. It's still green, pure and clean, but it doesn't smell at all. Poor flower! I am tortured by a difficult problem, but you are scattered in the wind and rain, which is also in the same boat.

In the next few days, there was no fragrance in the wind. I think the delicate cordate telosma must have been weakened. Maybe it will have to sleep for a year to bid farewell to the bleak status quo.

Another day of self-study, very depressed. I just feel like my schoolbag weighs a thousand pounds. Suddenly, a familiar sweet fragrance got into my nose. Under the light, cordate telosma smiled proudly at me. The little girl is still slim, and the wound left by the wind and rain has become its most beautiful decoration. I don't know when, cordate telosma woke up from the pain. It no longer looks at the scattered flowers, but tries its best to sprout and bloom again. Maybe it will still get hurt in the next storm, but it will still emit more fragrance after the storm. Just like at this moment, it gently dances with the little green flowers. In the wind, I smell life.

A flower can quickly come back to life after a storm and continue to bloom vigorously. As for me, I think I admire Wei Liu very much, but I am at a loss when faced with a math problem. Life is a long journey. I want to take the power of cordate telosma, cross the wind and rain, to find the fragrance of life.

Thought of here, I was suddenly enlightened and felt full of strength. I sat at my desk, took out my pen and paper, and started a new day of study and life with confidence.

1. The detail of "puzzling over the last math problem" in the second paragraph does not correspond to the detail of "Cordate telosma was destroyed by wind and rain" below, and it should be changed to "I feel sad and depressed for the failure of a senior three exam"-because the senior three exam is a rehearsal of the college entrance examination, and its failure is consistent with that of Cordate telosma.

2. The third paragraph introduces the object of worship, Liu Wei, without clearly expressing its purpose and function.

3. Although the seventh paragraph relates "the experience of cordate telosma" with "my situation" and "the spirit of worshipping Liu Wei" and discusses lyricism, it still does not conform to the proposition intention of the composition topic, and the main idea is unclear.

The meaning of the title "the taste of life" is missing in the article.

Cause analysis of "illness";

This composition has clear thinking, distinct levels and unique conception perspective-narration and lyricism by borrowing things. Combined with the object of worship, I got some insights from the stormy experience of cordate telosma. However, the author didn't really grasp the connotation of the material, and didn't point out the essence of "the taste of life"-turning the spirit and method of the object of worship into his own, which made the theme of the article far from the intention of the proposer. This is the most direct reason for the low score of this paper. Can only be rated as second-class (44 points)

If you want to upgrade it to a first-class text, you can start from two aspects: "adjusting the details" and "adjusting the lyric sentences". In the process of revision, we should pay attention to highlighting the charm of details and be good at making the finishing point.