Twelve constellations jokes Daqo hilarious _ Twelve constellations jokes Daqo hilarious video

Aries Girl: Is this your first blind date?

M: Yes.

Aries girl: actually, this is my friend's suggestion: if there is no major dissatisfaction on the first blind date, it is better to marry the person on the first blind date …

M: Oh? Why? What is she hinting at me? )

Aries Girl: According to my friend's experience, the more blind dates you have, the less satisfied you are with each other.

Man: (It seems that there is a play this time) …

Aries girl: the blind date compares the variance and finally finds the first one is the best.

M: That's right. Am I his first? )

Aries girl: Yes! I realize now that I wish I had taken their advice! (a face of regret. )

Taurus: Taurus girls are barely a human figure, but they feel good about themselves.

Because of her big mouth and square chin, everyone called her "Cao Meng" behind her back.

On National Day, Taurus girls signed up for ballroom dancing.

When making up, it is easy to ask everyone: how to draw a smaller mouth?

We all said: Why draw small? Look at Julia Roberts, subverting the world with his sexy mouth. ...

Your problem is that your lips are thin, so you should draw them as thick as possible, just like Jolin Tsai.

So jj expanded the boundary of the mouth by about 5mm on the original basis, and emphasized the outline with pink.

In the melody of Auld Lang Syne, in addition to the flying white ball, the fiery red lips of Taurus girls are particularly eye-catching.

On the third day, the boy who danced with her got up and told about the sleep panic these days. "I only have a big mouth in front of me."

Cancer girl brings her boyfriend home: three-year-old nephew: "Uncle, I suspect you were born to my grandmother." Mom: "Xiao Chen, sit down. What are you polite about?" This is also your home. "Sister-in-law:" Such a handsome uncle, from Tsinghua? Really have character and character, and be talented and talented. Dad: Chen, you're welcome ... Danny, what did you tell me not to say yesterday? Brother: "Is this Xiao Chen? Hey, my little sister's eyes are getting better. Xiao Chen, let's go for a drink tonight. "Grandma who was still alive at that time:" Young man spirit, do you have a date? "

Lion: the lion girl and the boy buy apples at the place where the snow is three north and the meal card is added. There are few good apples there. They worked hard for a long time and finally chose three ones that looked a little better. The lion girl picked a big one, and the boy jumped two small ones. As a result, she went back and found that the big one was bad and the two small ones were good. The boy complained that the lion girl said, "You can't, it's okay."

Virgo: a virgin, 23 years old, good mm, drove home by train one day, hard seat, opposite a beautiful woman. The boy was very excited and tried to get the girl's attention. Soon, he had a clever plan: be cool! Then he stared at the roof of the car and said slowly, "Ask how the world is, and teach me to commit myself to life and death." The tone is extremely sad and deep, and a white and bloodless face. The girl's expression seemed to move, and the students were overjoyed. I repeated it more than twenty times. After a while, the girl left her seat and came back with a policeman. She said to the virgin boy, Where is your discharge certificate?

Libra: When you walk into a coffee shop, you can see a friend and two girls sitting together in the distance. Libra girls are slim, although not beautiful, but still cute, and the other one can only be described in two words-dinosaurs. You take a deep breath and believe you are lucky. Go and say hello to your friends. After my friend introduced me, I didn't say which one was the heroine. You think, if you want to trust your friend's eyes, it must be a Libra girl, so you began to pay great attention to Libra girls. At this moment, Libra girl's cell phone rang. She smiled brightly and picked up the phone: "Hello, husband, I am accompanying A-mei on a blind date ..."

Scorpio: Father's close friend Zhang Bobo's house. Scorpio wears a long skirt designated by her mother to go on a blind date, elegant and virtuous like an old Barbie doll; Seeing the hero only feels familiar and seems to feel the same way. The two men looked at each other for a long time, and everyone was smiling at each other. They must feel that the situation is good and promising. But in less than 3 minutes, "I remember", the tea in my mouth almost came out. "You ... you are glib!" "Oh, my God! You are a man and a woman. " It turned out that they were sworn enemies in middle school, and they were particularly jealous when they met.

It wasn't long before the elders knew there was no hope, but they still tried to resolve the war. However, the more they talked nonsense, the more my mother found out that Scorpio played Lady Enforcers at school in middle school and had a little Pacific boyfriend. Uncle Zhang didn't realize the doctor's grandson. He cheated in the exam and peeked at books and periodicals in class ... "Unfortunately at home, unfortunately at home ..." When he got home, he was scolded again.

Sagittarius: Sagittarius boys go to the canteen to eat diligently. One day, he finally found the law. There is no one around the beautiful girl and the dinosaur girl to eat, probably to keep his appetite. So the boy had a chance to find a beautiful girl to sit opposite. I didn't expect this girl to take the initiative. I started smiling at that boy before I sat down, and then I blushed and started talking to that boy. Although she didn't say much, she left a deep impression on the boy: she said, sorry, this table is taken. . . .

Capricorn: Capricorn boy's experience: There are several things to advise you not to send your girlfriend.

1. Shoes. When she puts it on, she will run farther and farther.

2. Fan. The fan will get colder and colder.

3. Umbrella. It will spread out.

It's a pity that I sent all these, and the result can be imagined.

Aquarius: At work, a boy at work said to the Aquarius girl, "I want to chase you." The Aquarius girl looked serious and said calmly, "I practice long-distance running."

Pisces: One day, a Pisces girl and a boy walked and chatted and talked about their respective ideals. The girl said; I want a red convertible, and then I wear white clothes. At sunset, I was running on the grassland, and a yellow dog stood beside me ... The girl wondered why the boy didn't respond, turned around and found his face flushed, so she asked him what was wrong. The boy replied, I was just about to say, I am sitting next to you. ...

Next, the twelve constellations after meeting gangsters.

Leo: Hello!

Gangster: You have three days to release the money. ...

Leo: Shut up! I tell you, you have two hours to put my family in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs, or I will kill your family! ! !

(It seems to be ... it's the other way around)

Aquarius: Who are you looking for?

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs, or I will kill your family! ! !

(After putting down the phone, Aquarius immediately called the police, which is really the most calm constellation)

Virgo: Hello!

Gangster: I ... give you three days to put the money in the trash can on the left of X Street in the western suburbs, otherwise. ...

Virgo: Oh, great! Put my brother on the phone! Brother! Did you eat vegetables for dinner? Have you eaten more than 200 grams of meat? Wash your feet and nails after dinner! ! !

The gangster by the phone is already sweating. )

Pisces (tearful): Who are you looking for?

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Pisces: Wow … Dad … Mom … Wow … Wow …

Gangster (also want to cry): Don't cry, uncle will buy you candy!

Pisces: Wow … I want my mother … I want my father … Wow …

Gangster (gritting his teeth and stamping his feet): Come on, I can't let your family go!

Aries: Hello!

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Aries: Western suburb? Let's go to the eastern suburbs! There @&; (_)(* % $ & amp； % $ & amp^%##! @#! @%$~! @#

The gangster has packed his bags for the eastern suburbs. )

Cancer: Hello. ...

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Cancer: I'll discuss it with my father!

Gangster: I have your father!

Cancer: Then I'll discuss it with my mother!

Gangster: I still have your mother!

Cancer: I will discuss with my grandpa (grandma, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, uncle, grandma, grandpa)!

Gangster: I have both!

Cancer: Me and ...

(no? Only cancer is left in the family)

Taurus: Hello!

Gangster: Gangster: You are allowed to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Taurus: OK, OK! Don't worry! I will arrive on time! You can't hurt my dog, it is a very important member of my family. ...

Niu Niu, who loves her family, is so stupid and cute, but that gangster is so stupid.

Gemini: Hello! can you ...

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Gemini: But why should I listen to you? Don't you know it's not easy for me to make money? I started school at the age of six. I didn't find a job until I was 20 years old. I have to pass the probation period before I can make money. ...

(Please, the other party has hung up. )

Libra: Hi!

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Libra: I don't believe that's your nature. You must be in trouble, right? Poor thing! But don't lose faith in life! Be Big! I have 500 yuan here. You can use it first. ...

(The gangster has already been moved to tears. )

Scorpio: Go ahead!

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Scorpio: Well, all right! All right!

The next day, as soon as the gangster opened the trash can, he found a policeman inside, behind him was a row of police cars, and Scorpio waved to him not far away with his family.

Sagittarius: Hello!

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Sagittarius: Are you a little efficient? Take your watch and I'll be there in five minutes! (puts down the phone and rushes out of the room)

Gangster: I ... I haven't said the location yet ...

Gangster: You are allowed to put your money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days. ...

Magic Zuo Jie: But I have something to do ... some other time!

Gangster: Hey-don't hang up! Hey! Hey! ……